heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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