Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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