I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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