You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
