Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
