Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
