after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
