my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
