I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
