why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
