just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
jump out the window naked night went bad
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