we're blogging at a bar
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
