he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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