remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
