There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
please come you make the beer taste better
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
