I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
