You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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