I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
