people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
