my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
