Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
is that a dick in a sweater?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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