I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
