I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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