This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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