a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
be right there i have to get my cape
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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