She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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