i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
