is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
