member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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