Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
