Apparently you make a good broom.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
