I'm really into asian looking animals
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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