My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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