he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Even my vagina gasped.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
