Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize