i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
