I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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