Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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