i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Less talking, more tequila
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
