You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
