I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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