ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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