he wants to bone in the snuggie
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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