If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
