I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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