If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
