Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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