If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
