Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
