I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
