I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize