while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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