Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
