I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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