He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
