i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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