So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
