I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't notice because vodka
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
