my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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