My friends, they love my intelligence
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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