kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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