One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
