sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
