Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
