I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
