My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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