That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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