I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
