Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
