don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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