The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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