; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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