the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
