just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
