Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're like the curious george of whores
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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