I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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