Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
