why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
