How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
