She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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