I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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