It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
