he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
