She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
