I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
